Remember drawing paint-by-numbers pictures as a kid?
A similar process helps to go from being stuck to moving forward again.
To understand how we get from a ‘down-in-the-dumps’ feeling to a ‘happy-chirpy’ place on any subject, you cannot get there in one go. In fact, when you feel down and out, a happy person is thoroughly irritating to you. So, you must go slowly up the emotional scale, just like the paint-by-numbers analogy.
In my last post, I shared how we need to identify the emotion on the topic that is currently stopping us from moving forward.
To refresh your memory – here is the emotional scale:
- Excitement/Freedom/Joy
- Passion
- Enthusiasm/Happiness
- Optimism
- Hopefulness
- Contentment
- Boredom
- Pessimism
- Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
- Overwhelm
- Disappointment
- Doubt
- Worry
- Blame
- Discouragement
- Anger
- Revenge
- Hatred/Rage/Jealousy
- Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
- Fear/Grief/Despair/Powerlessness
This process is best done in writing.
- Choose the emotion that is up for you. Let’s go extreme, shall we? Let’s choose ‘Jealousy’.
- Write down what the ‘jealousy’ feels like about your topic.
- Now go to the next emotion up the scale that represents relief to you. Yes, shock, horror, you got it: ‘Revenge’ feels like a welcome relief from the stifling emotion of ‘Jealousy’.
- Now write about the ‘Revenge’. Yes, you can – just don’t act out on it!
- Once you have completed your writing on ‘Revenge’, go to the next emotion, ‘Anger’ and write what comes to mind. Again, the aim is to feel some form of ‘relief’.
Can you see where this is going? Choose an emotion that represents ‘relief’ and explore it in writing until you want to move to the next emotion.
Once you get to ‘Hopefulness’, you will notice that the process goes much faster. The challenging emotions take longer because we have not allowed ourselves to feel them. After all, we have labelled them as ‘bad’.
With really tough issues, moving to a better place can take 20 days; with minor problems, you can get there in a few minutes.
Understanding this emotional scale and how to use it has dramatically impacted my happiness level. I no longer feel at the mercy of my emotions but use them as a tool. I hope it helps you too.
In my next post, I’ll share a different technique.